misfitmonkey

WOW… did I ever fall of the wagon.

Yesterday, I dragged myself to Curves after work, because I hadn’t been there to work out in so long that they sent me a postcard. (Ouch.)

I knew that getting back on that circuit of machines was going to be bitch after several weeks (probably almost two months) away, but what I hadn’t really prepared myself for was the weigh-in and measurement.

The overview: From January to April-ish, I lost 15 pounds. Since the time I stopped going to Curves and fell off the healthy eating bandwagon, I have gained 20 pounds.

That’s right. I’m five pounds heavier than when I started on this journey around New Year’s. SHAME. ON. ME. Not only shame on me, but I’ve also developed some health issues that I believe are very likely the direct result of my shitty eating and absurdly low physical activity level. I’m honestly afraid I’ve thrown myself into Type II Diabetes or something along those lines (I’ll hopefully be finding out next week at the doctor).

Two things have prompted immediately self-intervention:

1. That weigh-in was a kick in the gut, plus I’ve gained 1/2 - 1 inch on each of my body measurements. FUCK.

2. Hearing myself explain to Dianah that I hid from my husband in the bathroom the other morning to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream for breakfast was a bit eye-opening. WTF.

So.

Shit shit shit. Excuse my language, but seriously… shit. I am trying to get back on track as of this week. Please just slap me in my gluttonous face if you catch me (in person or on any social sites, etc.) eating bad things or skipping workouts. I will NOT finish this year off heavier than when I started when my ONLY goal this year was to get myself in better shape physically. Enough is enough.

Last Thursday, I finally went to an allergist after two months straight of being sick, having a constant hacking cough that was allowing me only about twenty minutes of sleep at a time before I would wake up in a panicked choking state.

Things that are not fun about allergy testing:

-What the crap do they make those little pricking sticks with? They hurt worse than… (50 of them)

-The needles that come after the prick sticks (about 16 of those).

-Finding out you definitely have severe allergies, after 28 years without them. (Severe dust being the worst, severe mold being second, and mild dog/cat being added bonuses.)

-Finding out that you’re allergic to the mold at work that has not been cleaned up, despite many people having allergy/illness symptoms, and this is the reason you’ve been so severely sick for two months. (I have already sent a lengthy email about this issue to the appropriate people.)

-Finding out that you might have asthma if your hacking cough doesn’t go away with…

-Steroids. Lots of steroids for the next week (and I get very ill and very constantly agitated on steroids) to get rid of the two month cough.

-Leaving with prescriptions for two nasal sprays, eye drops, and supplies for giving one’s self twice weekly shots. (Total at the pharmacy, after insurance, not including the needles they had to order: $102.00.)

-Learning to give yourself shots of you’re-not-even-sure-what, one in each arm twice per week.

-Itching like mad from all the needle/stick pricks the entire way home.

-Being told by allergist that stat care doctor was an idiot when he sent me home with a whole bunch of antibiotic crap and several diagnoses that all added up to these allergies two months ago. (Remember that?)

__

BUT. (There is a BUT!)

I have not woken in a choking/coughing fit for two days, and while I might be cranky and horribly upset to my stomach, I can breathe… finally. I gave myself the shots today for the first time and it was totally fine, and the steroids are done in a couple days, and I can live with all of this if it means I won’t be as sick as I have been lately.

Lesson to myself for the future: Go to the damn doctor SOONER. Why can’t I get that through my head?

I haven’t talked much lately about my new resolve to be healthier, but it’s been going really well. I think that I’m learning to pick my battles, eat in healthier portions, and I’m still struggling to make myself work out every day.

I’ve been off track with the exercise ever since getting the flu/cold that took me out of commission for a weekend and then my dad being in town. This week I worked out twice (today will make three times), but I really want to get that up to five times per week. I’ve been staying heavy on the aerobics and the yoga/strength exercises that seem to be the most uncomfortable while still doable for me, and it all seems to be making a difference.

Weight update: I’m down 12 pounds total as of last week’s weigh-in (this week’s is tomorrow). I was losing 3-4 pounds per week, but have plateaued a bit as soon as I slacked off on the exercise, which is why I need to get that back in gear.

One thing I’ve created recently to compliment my use of Livestrong is a separate Twitter account for @HealthyBrandice, since Livestrong now offers Twitter support (I may add the Facebook support as well). I’d love to have some fellow Twitterers create similar @healthy[YOU] accounts for healthy diet and exercise support, so if you’re interested in a separate Twitter conversation about food, diet, exercise, and general health, create a username with @healthy in it and then follow me to get the conversation started!

[This is my first post with Blogo, blogging software for the Mac.]

Today I got home and I did NOT want to exercise. I was tired, and I had fallen off the wagon for the past week after my back went a bit spazzy, so I was NOT feeling it.

I made a snap decision and say to myself, I’m going to post a public message that I’m going to live stream my Wii Fit workout. Then I’ll have to do it, and there will be videographic evidence that I really did a 30 minute workout.

So I posted a quick message, and people quickly popped into the Ustream chat before I’d even finished setting up the equipment. I let the viewers pick some of the workouts and I only live broadcasted the tv screen (not my sweating, heaving, out of shape body), so I didn’t feel pressure, just support.

People popped in and out as they felt like it (30 minutes of working out can be boring if you stay through the whole thing), and one person was actually working out with me on their own console, which was really cool. Here’s the video if you want to browse through different points of the workout and see how I did or what the Wii Fit is all about:

The verdict: I’ll be doing this more often, because it held me accountable for doing the workout, entertained viewers as I was intermittently wacked in the head with shoes during the soccer ball game, and I feel like it was more of a social activity, where I was supported in my hard work.

I won’t be posting (or even recording/saving) each workout session, but in the future I will be live streaming as many of them as possible, hopefully at least a few per week. Staying social and accountable to others during my effort this year to become healthier is REALLY working for me, so expect me to continue talking about where I’m at in the process and asking YOU to cheer me on when you can. :)

Ps. I’m up to 9 pounds lost since January 2nd! w00t!

Originally published at Brandice.net. You can comment here or there.

THIS makes me absolutely furious. I'm so tired of the completely unrealistic idea put in every woman's head about what a healthy weight is.

In those pictures, Jennifer Love Hewitt looks healthier, happier, and curvier (in a sexy way) than 99% of the celebrity shots I've seen in months, and what really makes me angry is that not only is the media telling the PUBLIC that looking like she does is gross and disgusting, they are telling HER that, which (even if she's a confident and happy person) will have some type of detrimental effect on that aforementioned happiness that is so apparent in the photos.

That infuriates me and disgusts me. I would rather have my curves than look like a sick, spindly cunt of a heroine addict, like Lindsay Lohan or Kate Bosworth or any of these other actresses or artists who are clearly suffering from serious eating disorders and (most of them) drug addictions.

I'm so disgusted with the whole story, with the whole mentality of our culture, with a society that makes me feel guilty any time I put a single bite of food in my mouth. The saddest part is that other women are heading the sick witch hunt for cellulite, because our self hatred and in-gender persecution based on looks is so hopelessly ingrained in our gender's identity.

Fuck you, media. Why don't all of YOU strip down to your underwear, hop on a scale, and we'll put those pictures under all of your bylines?

/rant

Today has been a good day so far. I've resolved to stop spending my *entire* day at the computer, mostly because my scoliosis starts to bother me pretty intensely when I get into phases like this one where I'm sitting in a desk chair for such long hours. I've been doubled over in pain by 10 pm for the past three nights, so it's time for a cutback.

This morning I woke up and instead of immediately turning on the tv or heading for my desk, I pulled out the book I've been reading for the entire summer and almost two hours reading. I feel like I'd forgotten how, and it was nice to reconnect with the bookworm in me. :) I do have to say that it's been a struggle to get through The Memory Keeper's Daughter, because while I really like the story and the idea, I find the writing somewhat stilted and impersonal, which is strange because it's an emotional story. I'm halfway through the book and not connecting with the characters at all, which makes it hard for me to stick with it, especially with so many distractions to keep me from just reading in my free time.

I'm doing really well with eating lately, even at the party yesterday. The only sugar I ate was fruit salad, and declined what looked like delicious pasta, brownies, cookies, and other really good looking vittles. I've lost 4 pounds in the past week and a half, so I feel that momentum that I sometimes need to behave myself nutritionally.

Good day. I feel like a housewife lately with the laundry, minor cleaning, organizing, and picking up around here since I'm always home. It's strange, but also suits me, which is surprising because I'm usually a slob.

1. What is the HELL is wrong with Sarah Silverman? I sit and watch her show and I think Jim only watches it so that he can laugh when I wander in and then start waving my arms and yelling, "what does that even MEAN? that not FUNNY! what in the crapping CRAP is this crap?" That woman is so completely insane, I cannot fathom it, even considering my own insanity.

2. When is the last Harry Potter book coming out already? I reserved my copy and am continually disappointed when it doesn't magically appear early in my mail slot.

3. When in the frick is Trillian Astra going to come out? I am practically peeing my pants waiting!

4. I re-committed to the weight loss plan again this week and I'm determined to stick with healthy food. I feel happier, lighter, and more energetic when I eat healthy foods, so damn it, I'm going to eat healthy foods. I haven't gained any weight since stalling about a month ago, but I'm not losing at all. Will someone also push my ass into an exercise schedule of SOME sort? That's my major downfall right now. :\ Losing "20 pounds since January" isn't as impressive as it was in March. Hmph.

5. Good night.

1. I am doing Script Frenzy.  Join in on the fun.  Also, if anyone plans on whining about my talking about Script Frenzy throughout June like I do about Nanowrimo in November, here's a big fat "bite me" in advance:  *chomp*

2. I'm going to shadow a classmate in drug court in Cleveland on Wednesday for my paper.  w00t + brownie points, maybe.

3. I cleaned last night.

4. The second bedroom, which failed as a craft room for crafts I never made anymore (time, motivation, failure as an artist), is going to be converted into a vibrational therapy practice room, so that I can have appointments at home if I need to and I can store my growing collection of gemstones and essences and books and tools/materials.  Yay. :)

5. Jim and I are starting a multi-vitamin together today.

6. Plans for improving health and weight currently : diet is okay, 20 minutes of Wii Sports 3x a week, get elliptical back up and running for 2x a week, joining the company wellness program (nurse is heading to my office now!).

7. Just because I don't like 6's, here is a number 7.  The end.

So, since weighing myself on Saturday, I've lost another three pounds and have officially bumped off 20 pounds total since January 1st.  w00t!

I totally rule, in case you hadn't already figured it out from my previous statement.

Also, John Mayer is adorable and I love his honeyee.com blog.  Click HERE and there's a cute pic at the end of my favorite sexy guitarist and youknowwho. :)

Tomato juice in the morning is better than anything else in the entire world.  Shut your mouth and do not comment in protest if you disagree and do not like tomato juice, because I cannot be persuaded to think that tomato juice is anything but hawesome.  In fact, there should be a National Tomato Juice Day.  (*googles to check that their isn't and finds the closest holiday is January 1st - National Bloody Mary Day*)

Also, what kind of Facebook gift is a box of tissues?  Egad, Facebook.  Get your act together!  I want to see more varieties of trolls and flowers and animals (pets are always fun).  Harrumph.

Lastly, my mother sent part of my grandmother's birthday cake home with us last night and I broke down and ate a piece, because it's spice cake with vanilla icing that has bits of coffee grounds in it, and that's my favorite kind of cake in the entire world.  Unfortunately, I discovered not even twenty minutes later that eating massive amounts of refined white sugar and flour after not having had any in months will definitely result in all around physical pain and illness, and I paid for that slice of cake for hours afterward... HOURS.  Don't even ask how I paid. :\

March 20th is Back Up Your BC Day, 2007. Anyone passionate about spreading the word to women about the safety and effectiveness of Emergency Contraception should please blog on that day to spread the word.

Is Wal-Mart Stocking EC?
Order a Free Information Packet (fliers and business cards to hand out or leave in public places about EC)
Information about Birth Control Back Up

My weight has stagnated at 10 pounds lost since January 3rd, I'm guessing because I haven't yet incorporated the necessary exercise to really get the calories burning.  My body is still changing, however, and I find myself a lot happier with how I look lately. :)  Getting my skin care under control was a big step in that.  I'm hoping to start up some yoga classes in the next month or so when I start having time. :)

Here's an update on new foods/snacks that I've found that are healthy and delicious -

Real Fruit Snacks - OMG, these are delicious, no preserves or non-fruit sugars, very delicious!
Bumblebars - organic, gluten free, pretty tasty... I'm partial to the Chai with Almonds
Fruit Leather - similiar to the Real Fruit Snacks, simply made with fruit juice and mashed fruit

Other staples -

Herbal Tea/Juice - 100% juice tends to over-sugar-fy me (sleeeepy), so I mix 3 parts herbal tea with 1 part juice and I have a light and tasty beverage :)  (also good to drop my flower essences in, because I don't like tasting them in my water)

Lemon Fish w/ Jasmin Rice - if I'm hungry and don't know what I want for dinner, I always love lemon fish with some plain rice :)

Small cheats -

Thin Crust Pizza - every once in a while I have a plain cheese thin crust from Pizza Hut, or add some veggies

Sugar Free Sweets - currently popular are the sugar-free popsicles, sugar-free Dove chocolate mint morsels (yummmm), ocassionally sugar-free mint Lifesavers (all of these I eat very seldomly, maybe a few times a week)

So that's it for now. :)  Adieu.

Ohhhh, my supervisor is out sick today, so a relaxing and low-stress afternoon is now in my future. I just have to see two clients and gather some of my research data to be de-identified (meh), and maybe watch an episode of Greys Anatomy on my lappy (I downloaded the bomb episodes because I'm excited that Kyle Chandler is back for last week and this week's episodes). Can I just say, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO MEREDITH GREY?? Why do tv shows have to do this to a person? Between Jim/Pam and the entire cast of Greys, my Thursday nights are fraught with emotional trauma. Oy.

My favorite Overheard in the Office bits of the moment:

Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they've invented that, Mom.

Customer with CD: Don't make fun of the Transformers.
Bookseller: I'm not making fun. I had that soundtrack. I lost it in the hurricane.
Customer with CD: Well, you can't have mine.
Bookseller: I have The Matrix.
Customer with CD: I have the touch.
Passing customer: And I have the power!

I had an appointment with the GI specialist's office today, but I saw the nurse practitioner, who was absolutely amazing and so wonderful to talk to. It's been a long time since I haven't felt accosted or misunderstood or ignored in a doctor's office, so it was a nice change. Unfortunately, she's making me have tests done that no one under the age of 45 should have to endure, but I'll forgive her since she assures me that I will be unconscious and generally stoned for the rest of the day. w00t... Nothing like invasion tests the week of spring break! Luckily, my biopsy is fine and the medication I'm taking for everything they found with my upper GI scope is really helping a lot. Yay = me. :)

Oh, and attention all drivers. If you're one of those people that waits until right when a lane ends to shove your car into the nearest lane rather than heeding all the signs warning you to move over well ahead of time, I HATE YOU. Also, if you're the guy who drives in the left lane and won't even go the speed limit, I cannot stand you, especially if you're also that person who lives in Ohio and CAN'T DRIVE IN THE SNOW. Move to Texas, where it's warm and I don't have to drive around you for frick's sake.

Jim's grandma seems to be doing much better than she was... thanks for anyone who gave up prayers or well-wishes in the past few days. I think the skilled rehab facility they put her in after a week in the hospital is the cause of all the big problems she's had in the past few days, so hopefully they can keep her in the hospital now until she's well enough to go home. I was pretty disgusted with the conditions of the place they put her in and Jim's grandpa threatened to shoot anyone at the hospital who tried to put her back in that place (I'm not a fan of violence, but go Grandpa!). Hopefully she'll be back home and back to her old self soon.

It's time for Grey's Anatomy on iTunes and then I swear I'm going to go collect some data. I swear!

Much thanks to the_karen_show for this new staple in my morning (when I have time to make it) diet - Breakfast Sandwich a la Karen

With very basic instructions from Karen, I made my first one this morning - Canadian bacon, cheese, and egg patties on a toasted whole grain wheat English muffin.  Last night I made the egg patties by scrambling eggs and putting one scrambled egg per hole in a muffin pan and baking until firm.  Then I wrapped them all up in Saran wrap to eat throughout the week and am keeping them in the fridge (I could've frozen some, but I didn't make that many at all).  I nuked the cheese/egg/ham combo for about 10-20 secs and toasted the bagel and voila!

Breakfast tastiness! :)  I highly recommend it.

Well, I am back from the GI specialist and feel very sleepy from the meds they gave me during the upper GI scope.  I don't remember the test, which is awesome because I was terrified of being conscious and aware of a big tube being put down my throat.  I was panicking a little before the woman gave me the little dose of happy ignorant bliss through my IV.

It seems I have a hiatal hernia (no surgery necessary, per doctor - saw a picture of it, very weird), and esophagitis caused by GERD (acid reflux).   The solution: Prevacid daily and possibly something else later on.

So finally, the persistent cough/choking and the throat burning and feeling that I'm swallowing past something in my throat is all explained, which means I can stop letting doctors poke and prod me.  w00t.

I got new jammies so that I can now lounge on the couch for the rest of the day under the haze of residual anesthesia. :)  Adios!

Today I have eaten mostly cheese for all meals, except an orange for breakfast.  I am literally a cheeseball.  Also, go me for losing 3.2 pounds in the past week. ;)  I have faithful and diligent in my eating habits as of late.

I just got back to my office from an Integral training, and right after the guy told us not to save any changes we make to the default file, he changed a bunch of stuff and then saved the default file.  D'oh!  Our IT Dept is really funny here...  I think I learned more when I fiddled with it by myself last week (Integral, I mean... not the entire IT Dept).

I am a little over half a level to 60 on WoW with my main toon, and tonight is THE NIGHT.  Or tomorrow is the morrow... or something.  I *will* be level 60 before copperbeech goes on vacation, because she and Rob will have to be online when I level and congratulate me on my very first level 60.  w00t!

I HAVE to upload the new screenshots I have of the Dark Portal and the crazy area in Tanaris that I've been to in the game recently.  They're really beautiful...  I'm constantly amazed at the graphics in World of Warcraft, and even if you aren't a fan of the game itself, you have to respect the beautiful artwork that was done in order to provide all the scenery and characters.  It's really pretty amazing.

Sites I have recently been enlightened to or have rediscovered:

+  last.fm (join and add me!)
+  LinkedIn  (join and add me!)
+  Twitter  (join and add me!) 
+  Google Reader  (much better than Bloglines, sorry!) 
+  Friends4Days (this is really different, I like it :) )

In sad news, I start school and internship again on Tuesday.  It is likely that I will cry excessively on Monday evening...

I cannot explain in words how much I enjoy reading John Mayer's blog. It seems he's been studying comedy in New York and is heading out on the road soon for the Continuum 2007 tour. Good luck, famous person who will never read my blog!

The past four days have been completely and utterly relaxing day for me. I finished up my antibiotic and am currently without the plague (finally), I bummed around all day Friday, bummed around at Panera with my writing friends on Saturday, and bummed around watching the munchkins play at Ben's birthday party on Sunday.

Yesterday (yes, I had Friday and Monday off), I got up at 1:00 pm and played WoW until 12:45 am. It was possibly the most relaxing day in the history of relaxing days and I highly recommend 11.75 hours of online game playing with friends to anyone interested in waking up completely relaxed the following day, which is what I've done. marzipan9  has just started playing, so I got to run around and show her the ropes a bit until copperbeech and Rob logged on and we commenced the grinding in Silithus until I almost hit 59 and collapsed into bed.  Rad awesome screenshots later if I remember.

In today's news, I've lost 3 pounds, I received anonymously hilarious inter-office mail this morning regarding the quality of pens, and while I don't think it's going to fly because the general public is generally very resistant to even the best of changes, I've pleasantly surprised by The Terminator's plan for universal healthcare in California. 

Right on, Arnold.  Right on.

My conclusion, having just returned from my appointment?

Crack is NOT wack, if it comes from the chiropractor. It is the ROCKNESS, and should be done every day, if I could afford it.

I could do without the gross sound effects, but I'm willing to deal. *does a pain-free dance*

Posted originally at Monkey Mind

So, as I briefly mentioned yesterday, I crashed into a truck yesterday on my way to field practicum at 7:00. It was very slick, pitch black, and traffic was a nightmare, so when the truck very suddenly came to a complete stop in the four-lane freeway, I thought I had breaked in plenty of time until I hit some water and actually gained speed before slamming into to the back of this big white delivery truck.

My things went flying everywhere, my body slammed forward over the steering wheel, I had seatbelt burn for most of the day, and my neck wrenched forward. Right as I was getting ready to try and pull off to the side of the road and turn the car off, the truck just DROVE AWAY. I started waving my arms, but I couldn't into another lane to make myself visible to him, and everyone else on the road just kept driving.

It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen... I'm having a panic attack because the whole thing scared the living hell out of me, and everyone else is just continuing on their commute to work. I'm pretty sure I didn't even put a dent in the huge steel grill thing that I hit on the back of the truck, so I'm not sure the guy even realizes that I hit him, and despite hitting the guy pretty damn hard, I only have pushed in bumper and a big crack in the front of my Dakota.

I thought about calling and reporting the accident anyway, but I have liability coverage only, and I lost the truck in traffic. The only thing calling the police would've done would be adding points to my license and ... well, that's it. My insurance won't cover any damage to my car, and it was still running, so I just kept driving to field placement. I had some hefty whiplash going on, but I didn't go to a doctor and I stuck it out through field and then my six hours of classes, so when I got home at 11:00 at night, I was not feeling so hot, and now I've woken up feeling like fifty kinds of ASS.

So, I'm going to see a chiropractor for the first time in my life at 1:00 this afternoon. I've always wanted to see one for help with my scoliosis, and the accident seemed like a good time to buckle down and make the commitment, now that I have health coverage for a change.

I'm a little nervous. What if he breaks me???

Posted originally at Monkey Mind

In the past four days I have worked five shifts, and today I am still hurting for it. I went into work on Saturday afternoon at 2 pm and went home at 6:30 a.m. the next day, only to return at 2 pm that same day and return home at 11 pm... and then today was the typical yucko Monday. **sigh**

This is the first reason I haven't been posting for a couple days and the other is that I've been feeling poopier and poopier... it seems the headaches I've been having almost continuously for the past couple months are not due to a need for new eyewear. My eyes have changed very little, and not enough to warrant vertigo and severe headaches. My eye doctor recommended I see a family doctor and perhaps look into getting an MRI, which obviously freaked me out a little, since my family medical history is riddled with cancer and every other ailment known to man.

So, I've been overworked and a little worried about my health, but Jim cheered me up immensely by bringing me a sandwich to eat at work today and surprising me with a card that said something about putting away silverware and being reminded of how much he likes to "spoon" with me.

He always knows exactly what will make me smile, in his own perfect way. I can't wait to go to poker night tomorrow and collapse in exhausted sleep afterward, next to my favorite conneisseur of dinnerware. : )